How to Fight Back Against Emotional Triggers

By Lisa Kroulik © May 1, 2011

If you have been free from an emotionally abusive relationship for a long time, you may be surprised at how little it can take to trigger a return to those unhappy times, at least in your mind. What can be even more frustrating is to have no idea what sent you back there. Even if you never figure that part out, you will probably be clued in by your emotional and physical reactions that your mind and body have gone back in time.

I have been out of an emotionally abusive marriage for 2 years, 5 months and 9 days, but who’s counting, right? I am now in a happy and healthy marriage that is worlds apart from my former life, yet I occasionally feel like I have been thrown back into the pits of hell. I literally have to check the calendar and really comprehend that it is not the year 2008 or any of the 16 years before it.

Often times, it will come about as a reminder of my ex-husband’s behavior, which I experience indirectly through our children when he tries to pull the same type of manipulation on them. Another thing that can get me there is writing these articles, yet I press on. I figure that if they are helpful to people, it is worth a little discomfort. I also feel like it is part of God’s will for my life, so I write in obedience and ask questions later. Finally, I am in tune with the fact that there may be painful areas of the past that I still need to work through, in spite of my life being so happy now that I sometimes look back and wonder whose life that really was.

I can usually tell that I have "gone there" when I become weepy or angry, or I feel the discouragement began to invade my soul to the point where I am headed toward full-blown depression. They are so recognizable now because they are so infrequent, but there was a time that I lived like this day in and day out, year after year. The feelings are very familiar, but they don’t match my present circumstances.

What I am describing can be described by a few different terms, one being triggers and the other being post-traumatic stress disorder, although the latter of the two is much more severe and I haven’t had significant experience with PTSD to write about it with any authority. However, I do know what it’s like to lose a couple of days of my life to an emotional trigger that I never saw coming. If you have experienced that as well, we can get through it together. The following are some things that I do to help me get my life back. If you have additional suggestions, I would appreciate your comments at the end of this Hub.

When an emotional trigger has thrown me off-balance, I can be in a state of confusion for a while before I figure out what has happened. After I have pieced together the clues, I always come back swinging. My ex-husband took 16 years of my life and he will not get another minute by messing with my mind, not if I can help it. Although the temptation to lie in bed with the lights out and covers pulled over my head is very great at such times, I do not give into it.

If you’re wondering where my strength comes from, I would have to say that the majority of it comes from my faith in God and the knowledge that He fully intends for me to live a victorious life, one that is free of abuse where I can choose to reach my potential. I ask for prayer to take away my anger and pain and for God to show me what I still need to learn in this trial. My burden is not always released immediately, but it is released.

I also talk about it, a lot, to anyone who will listen. Friends who have known me a long time and know the history of my first marriage can usually offer the best support. Then there are the journals, meant for my eyes only, that take the brunt of the emotional vomit.

Most of the time, these things are enough to pull me through a time of being emotionally triggered to my previous marriage. If there ever does come a time where I feel stuck, however, I will not hesitate to seek counseling. I will do whatever it takes to live out the promise of John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Regardless of your faith, know that you are at this point of your life for a reason. If you have come out of an abusive relationship and survived, there is much for you to learn and to pass on to others. Even if an emotional trigger trips you up, don’t let it keep you down. There’s a whole new life in front of you.