You Don't Scare Me, 40!

By Lisa Kroulik © October 27, 2011

It came for me in the middle of the night on March 24, 2008 and dragged me kicking and screaming into my next decade of life. Of course, the “it” I speak of is my dreaded 40^th birthday. I had spent the better part of my 39^th year trying to hide from this day and cursing the passage of time. Alas, there was nowhere left to hide. I had to turn 40 whether I liked it or not. How rude.

In the beginning stages of our relationship together, 40 and I didn’t get along so well. After all, I just got out of high school and 40 had no business coming after me. I could only see the downside about being in my fourth decade of life. Where I once saw dark hair, I was now noticing a strange absence of color at the roots and temples. Where I once felt invincible, I now saw half of my life slipped away. Where I once saw young college graduates as my children’s teachers, I now saw people who looked barely older than they are. Yes, good old 40 had done a number on me.

As the weeks gave way to months in this new decade, I began to consider the possibility that I had been overreacting for quite some time. Sure, it was different being 40, but different wasn’t always bad. I felt settled and comfortable in my own skin. My children were at that adorable age between diapers and pimples and I enjoyed the people they were becoming.

I could quit pretending that I had bigger career aspirations than being a data entry operator. It was more important for me to get done working by 2:00 and not have to think so I could save my brain for more important things. When you’re 20, a job like mine was something you did until you advanced to the next career level. When you’re 40, people don’t expect you to have a next career level.

At 30, you are still getting life figured out and may have a couple of young kids to boot. Ten years later, you are nearing the finish line raising those kids and if you’re lucky, you have more money and free time besides. The younger people around you may have their youth, but you have the wisdom that comes with figuring out who you really are. You also get to look at them and thank God it’s not you while they frantically run around keeping all the balls in the air. You still have balls to juggle, of course, but usually not all at the same time.

Today, as I am staring down the neck of my 44^th birthday, I can say without hesitation that these are the best years of my life. I can take a shower without hiring a babysitter. I understand my parents better. I have no need to try to prove anything to anyone. Best of all, I finally figured out what I want to do with my life. You’re looking at it. I love you, 43.